I realize this now and I'm grateful for it.
It hasn't always been easy. ?Most of the time it was difficult, painful, and really, really hard. ?(Yes, I know I used different words with the same meaning, but that's how it's been)
I was in a relationship with my Twin Flame, which is reason to celebrate, but it was mostly a difficult, many times traumatic experience.
I've recently learned - again from Spirit - that when you are reclaiming your personal power - when you are becoming acquainted to it for the first time in your life, that the relationship you were in that helped you in the birthing process is many times - traumatic.
The last week or so I've received some tests from Spirit to see if I have successfully learned my lesson of reclaiming and standing in my power.
I think it's safe to say I passed the tests... but again, that's just my hunch :)
I realize how these last 3 years were really here to serve me.
Serve me to break through all the old patterning that I held my whole life.
Usually that's the case.... we have patterns that we have been in our whole life, but when the veil was lifted recently and I was able to see with new eyes - with a new awareness - just exactly what has been going on, huge sadness has come over me.
Yes, this is reason to celebrate - the breaking and healing of old patterns - but it also brought a mourning of my old self. ?A mourning of the?way I let myself be treated by people. ?A mourning of who and how I got into relationships... and how people treated me in such.
This way of being treated was all looked at as normal.
By most standards, ?it?was looked at as "good"..... ?but with my new awareness, there has been sadness because I realize that this way of being treated was really not so good in my eyes.
It wasn't healthy and it wasn't loving.
I realize now that most relationships I have been in - most relationships I have created - have been quite abusive. ?They have been toxic. ?They have been unhealthy.
The hard to grasp part of it for me these days - and this is where the mourning comes into play - is that most people would say that these relationships were just fine... normal.... good.
Now this is a?big topic and one that I may be having trouble explaining here in this post, but regardless I felt the desire to write it.
This week I am on my own Relationship Retreat. ?It came about very suddenly and I just followed my intuitions to go on it.
Sunday was my final test about being in this new awareness of being in my personal power. ?Saying "no" verbally and energetically to someone else who tried to verbally abuse me.
Man, it's amazing how the these tests come in such a subtle way.
How important it is to have awareness.
So I caught the test, said NO to the person, and kept it moving.
Felt proud of myself, but in the need to step away from my day to day life to process things...
Monday I was guided by Spirit to offer you, my students,?The Relationship Retreat
I was given details of how to map out the 3 days, what to include in the time frame and how to write out the purpose of the retreat.
Monday I send out an email to my newsletter to share the news with you...
Tuesday I felt tired and unfocused. ?So many emotions continued to come up. ?So many thoughts and realizations flooded my mind.
I knew I needed to rest my body and my mind.
With so many happenings - and so many lessons - and so many tests lately I knew I needed?to take some days off.
I've been wanting to do a detox and it was becoming clear that the time was coming near.
By late Tuesday I knew it was time for me to start my detox and welcome in a newer, deeper kind of self care. ?I also knew I needed to make it ceremonial. ?A releasing of the old, an?adjusting into my new awareness and a saying goodbye to the ways I have been treated my whole life.
Once again, more sadness in the realizations of how I have been treated by others my whole life.
I knew it was time to mourn my old way of being in relationships and wash my slate clean.
That is what I have been doing now.
Resting and realizing. ?Praying and meditating. ?Eating a vegetarian diet and doing self care... giving myself love and attention. ?Crying, being, writing, singing, talking to myself, talking to my guides, angels and other Spirit Friends and going with the flow.
Surrendering, being, loving... Myself.
Wishing you the best in love,
Blaire Allison
Intuitive Heart Healer
The Love Guru
www.loveguru.net?
Copyright 2012. ?Blaire Allison, LLC. ?All Rights Reserved. ?This material may be distributed freely in its entirety as long as the author's name and website, www.loveguru.net are included.
Source: http://marryblaire.blogspot.com/2012/10/building-bigger-badder-blaire.html
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